It's getting a little cooler outside. After we've had quite a bit of a heatwave, the weather has turned more to what is more commonly expected of a British summer. A little grey, a little rainy and some sunshine in-between. In a way that's how I'm feeling: A little grey, some low hanging clouds, a little rainy (teary) but with the odd burst of sunshine in-between.
I actually meant to post these pics last week as the thistles had faded away, but I got sidetracked by work and my little trip to Gent. Strangely enough, looking at these images now feels like exactly the right fit for my mood. I'm in the midst of my last few weeks (ok, six to be exact) in my day job which is of course great. But there's something else. I have this unshakeable feeling that I've somehow missed summer. It might sounds strange, after all, I do work from home and have the benefit of large windows I can open and I can - at least in theory - go outside straight after wrapping up day job duties, but that hardly ever seems to happen.
Because, as it goes for most people who try to make the transition from employment into self-employment, we inevitably work double shifts for a period of time. Trying to build up business at the same time as trying not to drop the ball and doing our day job duties can feel just a little overwhelming at times. I spent yesterday "locked inside" copywriting instead of trying to catch a few rays of sunshine. I know it won't be long now and I'm not complaining, but that doesn't change how I feel about the "lost summer", the time I haven't spent in the sunshine, the picnics I didn't have and the weekends I didn't manage to lazily while away at the coast. Whatever the rewards are, there's one thing we cannot get back: time.
So, while the summer days are slowly but inevitably fading away one by one, I'm trying to lift myself out of my down mood and to look ahead. I want to shape my work life in a way that will in future allow me to live more, enjoy some time where I'm relaxing without worrying endlessly about missing a deadline. I know there will of course be busy times when I will work late in the evenings and at weekends and that's ok and expected, but it won't be nearly as ridiculous as it has been over the last few months and I'm looking forward to that. Reclaiming a little time to just be and just live.